got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
