There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
