He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize