My room smells like vodka and shame
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
