White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
