Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
