I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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