I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
