i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
