Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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