I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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