last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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