I love black thongs
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
