I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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