Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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