I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
