oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
