I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
