hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
