just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
