no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
