Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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