I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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