I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
