Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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