dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
