He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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