Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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