Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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