I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
