What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
