sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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