i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
