I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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