In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
