i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
