ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
