this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
