My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
