i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize