Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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