I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize