god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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