So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
