when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
