rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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