Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
