it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
