the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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