I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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