I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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