she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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