and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
