He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize