SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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