woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
