You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
