i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
