Just cropdusted the office
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
