also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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