I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
