we have pet lesbian snakes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
don't judge my taste in strippers
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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