i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize