I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
