So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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